So many things are going wrong, and im begining to think its just me. No one seems to listen to me anymore. My geomatry teacher walked away from me right in the middle of a question, my friends always seem to forget everything i tell them, and people are ignoring me, more than usual.

Firstly, my birthday is coming up and i keep telling my friends to r.s.v.p, yeah i invited like six people and only one has said anything, no matter how many times i remind them and they say they will remember, but no. this was going to be my first birthday party in like 7 years, since my birthday is always around thanksgiving weekend, and it would have been my first sleepover ever, but no, almost everyone seems to have better things to do. I might as well not have a birthday.

Then, i need props for a scit i have to do in french class and my mom is the only one who can get them, since it is a resturant skit and she owns a resturant, but she always seem to forget. Also, the other three people in my group just will not take it seriously, and 2 of them just up and deside to dislike the other and they barely talk. Oh, and one neglected to tell me that she was going away this weekend and can't record the skit on Sunday like I planned, and now we have to record in the middle of our anime club. Anime club only happens once every 2 weeks now, and is the only time i can be myself and be proud of it, and now i have to skip one.

Also, everyone seems to hate me at school. They laugh at me, and people i dont even know are pushing me out of the way in the hall and calling me a bitch. And the only time people cheer for me is when we have a review in class where we have teams and prizes. Not to be boastful, but compared to some of the other kids, i am the brightest crayon in the box, except when it comes to spelling. So they feel like they can use me to get candy or something. Thats all i am to them is an encyclopidia, a book with no feelings. Smarts are all i have too, im not pretty, even if my friends try to cheer me up by saying so. No, they are wrong, and i know it. Their is no point in trying to lie about who i am. I'm a fat, ugly, acne ridden,freakishly tall, teenage girl who relizes on smarts and wants to be a mortition when she grows up. If that doesnt drive boys away, i dont know what will. Guys today dont like girls who arent pretty and who can't fit into size 9 pants. Guys are intimidated by smart, tall girls because they know they couldnt control them like they can the girls who cant use grammer correctly and wear pounds of make-up. All i want is someone who thinks im pretty just the way i am and doesnt try to manipulate my emotions just to get me in bed. But that is just the problem, there is no one like that anymore, or at least there is no one like that who would want me. In fact, most boys at my school make it a joke to try and ask me out for a friend or ask for my phone number. I give up.

Worst of all, is that my dad, my own father, who is supposed to love me forever, pretty much just said i always ruin his fun. He was watching a movie called Super Bad, and apparently it has alot of sexual innuendos, and i asked him to turn it off because it was just disgusting. He said "Get over it, just because you dont like something, doesnt mean you have to ruin it for everybody else."

Alright, I get it now, im nothing but a walking rain cloud who rains on everybodies sex parade. Just because i think the way movie makers portray sex and use it in the most disgusting jokes. The biggest problem is that almost every movie has some sort of joke like that today. Super Bad, Super hero movie, stepbrothers, even in the resent Ed Edd and Eddy movie when Edd was explaining what a sextant was and Ed and Eddy were just laughing, and i think you know why! Its sad though, because they use stuff like this all the time. What, has there vault of jokes become so dried up that the have to resort to dirty humor to get a cheap thrill and laugh? Dont get me wrong, I read yaoi and straight stores all the time, just because i am jealous. Sex should be about love, not for money or some sick trip. Now just because I think its wrong that a 10 year old girl knows what a "dick" is, im supossed to keep quiet and not interuped the "adults?"

So thats it, im pretty much useless. Im pathetic to think so low of myself, but i can't help it. No one ever calls, no one ever really wants me on their team, my dad seems to be tired of me, and people tend to forget all about me. Yep, thats me, and i cant say im proud. Even if i dont look like it, i fell like im withering away, my heart is bleeding, and no one even cares to try and help. Some people ask whats wrong, but thats not what i need. I just need a shoulder, but no im way to old to go crying to my parents. No one wants to help me, and i dont think anyone really cares.